All Wrapped Up?
by Anne Packrat
Summary: Everything's all done, everyone is paired up. Well, almost everyone...


Ranma 1/2 and its respective characters created by Rumiko   
Takahashi and copyrighted by a bunch of companies like Viz   
Video and Kitty Films. Does anyone actually read this?  
  
Note: Daisuke and Hiroshi are Ranma's friends that always  
appear in the anime. Sayuri and Yuka are Akane's two friends  
that always appear with her.  
  
Dr. Tofu's Skeleton Delivery Service Presents:  
  
All Wrapped Up? - A Ranma 1/2 tale  
by Anne Packrat  
  
"I know it's been going on for awhile, but I still think it's  
weird," Sayuri said as she sat in Madoka's, a local fast-food  
restaurant. She, Daisuke, Yuka, and Hiroshi had decided to  
grab a quick bite after school. Unfortunately, most of those bites   
were eaten by Hiroshi as he scarfed down food so fast that it   
would put Ranma to shame.  
  
"Mmphhhh?" Hiroshi asked. He swallowed mightily  
and tried again. "What do you mean?" Hiroshi had been  
visiting family in America for the past month, and he had  
just gotten back.  
  
"Oh, sorry, I forgot you've been away. I mean that."  
Sayuri pointed to a booth on the far side of the restaurant.  
  
Hiroshi glanced over to the booth and frowned. "But  
that's just Kuno. He's always been strange."  
  
Yuka laughed. "You got that right."  
  
Daisuke wore his Mr. Spock "This is highly illogical" look.  
"Sayuri doesn't mean Kuno himself. She means what he's doing here."  
  
Hiroshi glanced over at Kuno. "Looks like he's waiting for  
someone."  
  
"Yeah, but who exactly is he waiting for?" Yuka asked   
grinning.  
  
Daisuke, seeing Hiroshi's confusion, elaborated. "You  
remember how Akane and Ranma got married?"  
  
Hiroshi nodded. "That happened just before I left."  
  
"A mysterious package arrived for Ranma after you left,"  
Sayuri said, "The date on the package indicated that it was three  
years old."  
  
"It'd been lost in the postal system for that long," Yuka chimed  
in, overbrimming with joviality, or at least smiling mirthfully.  
  
Sayuri gave her friend a reproachful glance than continued.  
"The package was from Jusenkyo. Seems the guide got a sudden attack  
of consciousness and sent Ranma some water from 'Spring of Drowned  
Man.' Anyway, Ranma, his father, and a bunch of other people got cured."  
  
"But what does this have to do with Kuno?" Hiroshi asked in  
between bites.  
  
Daisuke now wore his "Captain, you're acting like an idiot"  
look. "Kuno lost his two goddesses. Akane got married and Ranma  
got cured, so the pig-tailed girl disappeared."  
  
Hiroshi scratched his head. "Yeah, so?"  
  
"Jeez, Hiroshi, now you're just being stupid." Daisuke said,  
switching to his "Captain you really are an idiot" look.  
  
Sayuri patted Hiroshi on the shoulder and shot Daisuke a  
scathing glance. "Lighten up. I'm still confused about it, and I haven't  
been away at all!" She turned to Hiroshi, "No one is really sure why   
Kuno finally gave up on his two loves. Maybe Ranma hit him two   
many times. Maybe one of his sister's poisons got to him. Heck, he   
might have just wised up." She paused for a moment then shook her   
head. "No, not that."  
  
Meanwhile, Yuka had finally stopped grinning. She was  
only smiling now. "No, Kuno's still as stupid as he ever was."  
  
Daisuke nodded stoically then continued the story.  
"Kuno became really depressed after the wedding. He practiced  
constantly, talking to no one but his servant Sasuke. Until one day  
when Ryouga wondered into his... OW! Yuka, watch it!" he said  
as Yuka accidentally spilled her very hot soup on his pants.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Daisuke! It was an accident!" Yuka said  
frantically. She tried helping Daisuke dry his pants, but he yelped  
and jumped away.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!!" He stopped as he   
noticed that the restaurant had become deathly silent. He   
slowly turned his head and looked at the patrons that were   
staring at him. A large sweatdrop formed in the back of his head  
as he grinned inanely. "Um.... Sorry. She just, um, accidentally hit  
my, um, war wound. It still hurts sometimes." The patrons stared  
at him a minute more then turned back to their own meals.   
Daisuke sat down and let out a sigh of relief. Then he noticed his   
friends grinning at him. "What?"  
  
Actually only Sayuri and Hiroshi were grinning, Yuka   
was laughing outright. Sayuri looked Daisuke up and down.  
"Exactly what war did you fight in?" she asked.  
  
Daisuke glared at her. "It's all I could think of okay?"  
He grabbed Hiroshi's napkin and did his best to sop up the  
soup. "Jeez, these were my favorite pants too. And, Yuka?  
Yuka! Stop laughing!"  
  
"Sorry, hehehe, Daisuke, hahahahohohehe!" Her  
laughter was infectious, and soon Hiroshi and Sayuri joined  
in. Daisuke glared at them and stomped off to the bathroom.  
  
When they'd calmed down, Sayuri resumed telling  
the story. "Ryouga somehow managed to convince Kuno  
that they should go on a trip designed to 'cleanse the mind,  
soul and spirit' as Kuno put it."  
  
"And, of course, following Ryouga anywhere isn't  
the smartest thing to do..." Yuka added.  
  
Sayuri glared at the other girl but reluctantly nodded.   
"After about a week of going in circles even Kuno got fed up   
and tried to get home on his own. But following Ryouga had   
left Kuno totally lost and confused."  
  
"How was that different than before I left?" Hiroshi   
asked.  
  
Sayuri gave Hiroshi a tight smile. "Very cute. Now   
stop interrupting me. Anyway, Kuno stumbled onto a sports   
competition. Figuring he needed a break he went inside. He   
watched the first competitors, and then he saw Her."  
  
Hiroshi scratched his head. "Her who?"  
  
Daisuke slid back into the booth. His face was serious.  
"She's coming."  
  
"Who's coming?" Yuka asked.  
  
"Her," Daisuke replied, frowning.  
  
"Her?!" Yuka gasped.  
  
"About time," Sayuri said.  
  
Hiroshi looked around in confusion. "Who?"  
  
Yuka asked Daisuke, "Are you sure it's Her?" Daisuke   
nodded. Yuka leaned back and let out her breath. "She's the   
last person I want to deal with."  
  
Hiroshi had had enough. "WHO ARE YOU TALKING  
ABOUT?!" he yelled.  
  
Daisuke looked at Hiroshi curiously. "Why, Kuno's   
girlfriend, of course. Didn't you listen to the story?"  
  
Hiroshi managed to resist the urge to grab his friend's   
arm and shove it down his throat. "Who exactly is Kuno's   
girlfriend?"  
  
Sayuri tapped on Hiroshi's head. A dull, hollow sound   
emanated from it. "Daisuke's right. You're being stupid. Kuno's   
girlfriend is Her. The cute one you know."  
  
Hiroshi frowned. "Ukyou?" His friends shook their heads.  
"Akane?" He got a firm no again. "Well, I give up. Who is it?"  
  
A cry of "TATIYYY!" echoed from across the restaurant.   
A big sweatdrop formed on Hiroshi, and he slowly turned his head   
to see a cute, short, blond-haired girl running toward Kuno. Kuno   
knelt and opened his arms. "Come to me, my paragon of cuteness!"   
he yelled joyfully.  
  
A look of absolute disbelief crossed Hiroshi's face. "Kuno   
is dating AZUZA SHIRATORI?!!!!!!"  
  
Sayuri nodded. "Amazing isn't it? I guess love is blind."   
Hiroshi nodded dumbly.  
  
Yuka grinned. "If you think that's weird, you should see who   
Mikado ended up with."  
  
Hiroshi opened his mouth to ask, when the entrance of   
another couple caused him to close it. The couple consisted of:   
"Mikado and SHAMPOO?!"  
  
Daisuke nodded. "Nearly everyone's paired up." Ukyou   
seemed to appear out of nowhere and she hooked her arm in   
Daisuke's. "Dachan?" Ukyou asked, "Are you ready to go   
shopping?" Daisuke kissed Ukyou on the cheek and nodded.   
"Sure, Ucchan, honey."  
  
Hiroshi's mouth dropped. He turned to the girls, but   
jumped back in surprise (of course, forming the appropriate   
"Surprise Gestures"). Mousse and Ryouga seemed to have  
appeared out of thin air and were now fawning over Yuka and   
Sayuri respectively. "Eep!" he said.  
  
Sayuri glared at Hiroshi. "What's wrong with you?"   
She nuzzled Ryouga.  
  
"You're, you're, you-" he stammered. He slapped   
himself and continued, "Ryouga and Mousse, they're..."  
  
Yuka interrupted him with a wave of her hand.   
"Daisuke said nearly everyone had paired up. That includes us."  
  
Hiroshi gulped. "Nearly everyone?"  
  
Sayuri nodded. "You and another are the only ones   
left single."  
  
Hiroshi gulped again. He slid down in his seat. Fear   
washed over his face. "Only me and one other...?"  
  
This time Yuka nodded. "You and-"  
  
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!! I've waited long for you   
to return, Hiroshi-darling!"  
  
Hiroshi stared down at the floor. His face became a   
mask of sheer and absolute terror. His throat felt like the   
Sahara after a drought. "No..." he whispered hoarsely.  
  
He looked up to see Kodachi's madly grinning face   
above him. She laughed and said, "Oh, Yes!"  
  
================  
Epilogue  
  
Hiroshi stood straight up in bed. He was sweating and   
his heart was beating rapidly. He took a deep breath and held   
his hand to his face. "It was just a dream, Hiroshi, nothing   
more," he muttered to himself.  
  
He heard movement and he opened his eyes a crack.   
In the dim light he could just make out a face framed by long   
dark hair. The eyes glittered insanely, and a wicked grin   
covered the lower half of the horrible visage. He looked   
down and saw that the figure was female, and wearing a green   
leotard.  
  
"But, darling," Kodachi said, "The dream  
has just begun."  
  
Hiroshi's screams rang throughout the night.  
  
###########################################  
Author's Indulgence  
  
SMACK!!!! When one is typing on the computer,  
one does not normally expect to be smacked upside the head   
by a spatula, but nevertheless, this does sometimes happen.  
Particularly when a certain okonomiyaki chef stops by to  
protest her role in a fanfic.  
  
"Ite...." I said from a quivering pile on the floor.  
  
"YOU PUT ME WITH DAISUKE!!!" Ukyou   
screamed, her blue aura radiant in her fury. Despite   
whatever I'd read on the newsgroups, at that moment  
I thought that Ukyou might possibly be capable of violence   
(particularly to me). She brandished her big-ass spatula  
over my head. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY  
FOR YOURSELF?"  
  
I managed to recover somewhat from being a  
quivering mass, so I sat up. "Ow," I said, rubbing my  
head, "You're really good with that thing." I got  
whapped again.  
  
"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" she shouted.   
She stopped and breathed deeply for a few moments. "Why,"   
she continued more calmly, "did you put me with Daisuke?"   
She helped me out of my quivering jelly state, and put me   
on a chair. "Well?"  
  
"Um, well, it was just a joke..." Ukyou's   
expression stated that she didn't find it at all funny.  
"Well, it was just a parody fic. I didn't mean that you'd  
be likely to end up with Daisuke. Personally I think you'll  
end up with Ryouga."  
  
She threw her hands up in the air. "It's  
always Ryouga! Why can't you writers put me  
with Ranchan for a change?"  
  
"Well, you did end up with Ranma in  
Emptiness and Renewal..."  
  
"Hmph," she hmphed, "he was a Ranma from another   
dimension. I want to end up with my Ranchan!"  
  
"Well, Jai-kun did mention that he had a role-playing   
character that was your and Ranma's kid..."  
  
"That's not what I mean!" Ukyou sighed, 'This isn't   
why I came here. I want to discuss how you're using me in   
your fics."  
  
I scratched my head. "I thought I was being really kind   
to you. I mean, yours was the first Introspections story I   
finished."  
  
"Some story. You had me talking to Ranchan's grave!   
When are you going to do a real story with me in it, with   
Ranchan alive?"  
  
"Um, well, I want to finish Akane's, Happosai's, and   
maybe Kasumi's Introspections stories first. Then there's the   
GS Mikami fanfic I wanted to do..." My breathing was suddenly   
cut off as a huge spatula was suddenly leveled at my windpipe.   
"I'll see what I can do..." I gasped. The spatula was removed.   
I rubbed my throat, thankful I could breathe again. "For now,   
why don't you read the Author's Notes?"  
  
Ukyou sighed. "I might as well. Hand 'em over." I   
handed her a slip of paper. "Let's see thanking Rumiko  
Takahashi for creating Ranma 1/2 and its characters... She must   
be a genius if she created all of us!" I nodded, and Ukyou   
continued. "Thanking Todd and Mike for introducing you to   
anime and Ranma.... What are they like?"  
  
I considered. "Mike's kind of like a mix of Shinosuke   
and Ryouga, and Todd's like a mix of Gosunkugi and a male Nabiki."  
  
Ukyou grimaced. "And these are your friends?" I nodded.  
"So that's where you get it from.... Hmm, thanking you're other   
friends, Robin, Josh, Mark, Nicki, Joshy, Jen, Jason, Ross, Dan,   
Matt, Brian and Kath. What are they like?"  
  
"Robin's like you, and the rest are like, in order, Happosai,   
Tofu, Kasumi, Keichii from OMG!, Akari, Gemna, Sasuke, Kuno,   
Tenchi, Krillian from DBZ, and Lum."  
  
Ukyou grimaced even more. "God, you poor soul! Oh,   
you're thanking Jason Langlois (Jai-kun) for proof-reading, and   
the other Knights of the Anime 'Round. Comments and whatnot   
should be sent to you at akane@erols.com.... Akane?" I   
grinned weakly. Ukyou shook her head. "Your fanfics are   
available at your homepage http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/8094   
Okay, I have to go. Just, please, put me with someone good next   
time!" I nodded, and watched her leave.  
  
I sunk down in my chair, holding my hand to my head.  
"Thank God, I didn't put her with Mikado like I originally  
planned!"  
  
Ukyou appeared in the doorway, her aura glowing  
furiously. "MIKADO?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
I barely had enough time to form the appropiate gestures  
before the spatula struck.  
  
--Anne "Lady Akane" Packrat 3/15/97  
(annepackrat@hotmail.com)  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
